Welcome to Attachment Matters.
Attachment Matters is a conversation between two mothers who are passionate about the subject of attachment, and how in parenting our children, we are offered the opportunity to grow ourselves up. This presents unique challenges to parents of children, adolescents, and young adults who adopt a transgender identity. Our hope is to offer greater insight into how to strengthen the attachment between parents and their children, despite all odds.
A Note to Listeners
Welcome to another episode of Attachment Matters. This is StoicMom and on behalf of Rose and myself, I want to take a moment to thank you so much for being here. Unfortunately, we continue to have some technical issues capturing these conversations and this one was especially difficult to edit and get published, and the quality is not what we’d like it to be. Please know that we are working to resolve these issues and are committed to this podcast and sharing these important attachment concepts developed by Dr. Gordon Neufeld. There is more content planned for this season and we may have to get creative in how we bring that to you. We so very much appreciate your patience with us!
In this episode, Rose and I explore defensive detachment through the analogy of a magnet and remind listeners of the polarized nature of attachment. Rose shares Neufeld’s list of attitudes and behaviors that may be exhibited when in negative polarity. We then focus on the third and final recommended tool for cultivating the conditions for connection, known as matchmaking. We wrap up by emphasizing the importance of insight and using these tools to create the strong, healthy attachment needed for maturity to unfold.
Works Cited
The construct of maturation & development we cover in Season 2 is drawn from the Neufeld Institute Intensive 1 Course. Here is an Intensive 1 Preview Video (Part 3 of 3) that gives a taste of the experience of taking Intensive 1 as a live online course with Neufeld faculty. It is full of rich and simple take-aways that reinforce what we cover in our episodes!
Reflection
Can you think of a time when your pursuit of closeness to one person simultaneously moved you to push away another person? This is the “polarity” of attachment.
As you move through the upcoming days and weeks, try to notice when your own defensive detachment shows up. An example of this may be times when you feel you no longer care about or for those whom you love the most.
Finally, reflect on the people or things that your child is currently attached to. Do you find yourself on the side of negative polarity, the opposite end of your child’s attachment magnet? If so, is there a way to try to shift this dynamic, and try connect to your child through the “positive polarity” — developing a positive relationship with some of those people or things? What do you notice, if anything, from this experience, or from other dynamics where attachment polarity is at play?
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