Attachment Matters - Season 1 Episode Links
Check out our first season and prepare for Season 2.
We are excited to announce that Attachment Matters will be back soon with Season 2. Whether you are a new listener or an existing follower of the podcast, check out our Season 1 Episodes below.
Episode 1: How we got here we talk about how we got here, both in conversation together, and in our stories with this material. We also begin to talk about how attachment factors into the larger picture of how we all got here.
Episode 2: Playing the Long Game we talk about the primal attachment emotions to pay attention to as we move through this material. Rose links attachment to maturation, and describes the first three stages of Neufeld’s 6 stage model of the development of attachment. The important concept of bridging gets defined, and hopefully, we make clear that it’s never too late to grow up.
Episode 3: The Generous Invitation we revisit what to do with “the impulse to fix” and we touch on the way our culture uses leverage to drive behavior. We also explain why we might want to extend abundant grace to our children, Rose introduces the last three, more vulnerable stages of attachment, and we define Neufeld’s concept of collecting.
Episode 4: Holding On and Letting Go Rose likens the conditions that foster all 6 stages of attachment to a womb that gestates the maturity necessary for true individuation. We introduce the concept and importance of parents taking the “alpha” role in relationship to our children and how healthy parenting demands that we grow ourselves up. Rose shares more details of her story of estrangement and healing with her own parents, and we encourage finding faith in something larger than ourselves so that we can feel held and find rest.
Episode 5: Q&A What does maturity look like? Rose and I tackle SMP community member questions and we end up exploring how adaptation and maturity are related, describing what that painful process looks and feels like so you can recognize it when it’s happening. We also discuss the role of raising children and “the dark night of the soul” in developing our own maturity and in keeping our hearts soft enough to hold on to our kids.
Episode 6: Q&A Retreat into Relationship We finish answering our first round of community member questions, highlighting the crucial component of play to soften the defenses of both ourselves and our trans-identified children, including those who have neural differences or no longer reside in the home. We also plant seeds for future conversations around the cultural obstacles and other complicating dynamics that make prioritizing relationship in today’s world so incredibly challenging, yet more important than ever.
Episode 7: Finding Faith and Rest in Nature's Design We explore the strange beauty and intelligence of difficult emotions, and their role in human progress and adaptation. We also compare the rest and protective factors offered through deep spiritual faith to that of secure attachment, where one feels, in the words of Dr. Lisa Miller, “loved, held, guided, and never alone.” That it is through finding how to satiate this need in ourselves, that we’re able to let our love overflow in what Dr. Neufeld refers to as “cascading care.”
Episode 8: Let's talk about "Alpha" (We've got you!) We finally dive deep into Neufeld’s concept of Alpha. We review Neufeld’s assertion that attachment is hierarchical and why this is necessary to facilitate maturity. Rose outlines the seeking and the providing instincts, and we explore how current culture disrupts nature’s process and makes it difficul t for parents to inhabit a healthy and caring alpha role in relationship with our children. We tackle some controversial topics and there’s so much more to say. Please stay with us as we continue to unpack these challenging ideas.
Ep 9 of Attachment Matters: the Necessary Safety of Forever Relationships We dive deeper into the alpha instinct and nature’s intent for the structure it’s meant to create. We caution parents against viewing their children as their projects to be sculptured, and encourage viewing attachment as a developmental process all the while acknowledging the cultural waters we’re swimming in that make this all so difficult. We know there’s more to be said about boundaries, and we’ll continue that conversation in the next episode.
Ep 10 of Attachment Matters: What We See Shapes What We Do We review the primal emotions of separation and how they’ll impact how we show up in our relationships with our kids. We talk about the importance of cultivating good intentions in our children, and how competing attachments can make it so hard to hang on to our children’s hearts. We also tackle the challenge of navigating financial boundaries with adult children, and we each share some thoughts and suggestions on the provocative topic of estrangement.
Ep 11 of Attachment Matters: "You've Got a Fast Car" Rose and I go to some delicate and likely challenging places. We revisit the importance of how our narratives determine what we see which in turn shapes what we do and ultimately steers our lives. We tackle the tricky topic of disrespect and different ways to interpret that behavior so we, as parents can stay grounded in alpha vibes and respond productively. We caution parents to be mindful of how they use their attachment power, and I go into some detail about the radical approach I took with my own trans-identified daughter and share my rationale for adopting this seemingly counterintuitive way. We end acknowledging how much of our lives we spend in our futile attempts to outrun the universal human experience of heartache.
Ep 12 of Attachment Matters: Q&A part 1, That Golden Moment In this episode, the main theme that emerged was how important it is to be mindful of our role in the dance of any relationship, recognizing whether we’ve engaged our warm alpha instincts when we’re in the lead so we can convey to our loved ones that they can lean on us when Life gets hard. We dive deep into the importance of understanding human dynamics and knowing how to work relationships if we want to effectively preserve family connections and positively influence outcomes.
Ep 13 of Attachment Matters: Q&A Part 2, The Gift of Pain In this episode, Rose and I talk about our tendency as moms to get in the weeds as we try to make sense of our children’s behavior and determine the right response. We offer a guiding principle to help you keep it simple, and we emphasize the importance of vulnerability and processing our inevitable grief. We also encourage parents to see difficult incidents with our children as opportunities to learn more about ourselves so that we can integrate and live healthier lives, making a positive impact on the whole family system.
Ep 14 of Attachment Matters: Life is gonna have its way. In this last episode of Season One, Rose and I discuss how life’s painful and unfair surprises play an important role in our maturation process. Whether they’ll lead us to develop more adaption, grace, and capacity for connection may depend on how much access we have to our feelings and tears--and sometimes it's these very same tragic circumstances that help us discover the soft places in us. We also explore how wrong can be right, and that ultimately, we'll be challenged to stretch ourselves to make enough room for those we love.